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Little Kim and I Are Universal Record Holders

Wednesday, 27 January 2010 20:19 Patrick J. Sauer

A buddy of mine started the Universal Record Database, which is 1/2 Guinness Book of World Records, 1/2 Stupid Human Tricks.

If you've ever wanted to be a "universal record holder," think of something you do best, film it, and your place is secure in goofball internet history. Until someone breaks it.

The URDB has live stage shows here at Joe's Pub. Last week, I went on stage and set a Bob Beamon-esque mark for a man, his Muppet, and Goodfellas quotes. Check out our amazing performance right here.

Little Kim stole the show, but just so you're aware, that one has a foul mouth.

(Ed Note: If you want more URDB goodness, here's an interview I did with the Labyrnith Wizard.)

Lexus HS250h

Tuesday, 16 February 2010 17:15 Patrick J. Sauer

I was fortunate enough to take the new Lexus HS250h for a spin before Toyota's new baby hit the wall.

The review was originally posted at the thoroughly entertaining green-living website EcoSalon. They cover all sorts of interesting topics like why fancy steakhouse beef is bogus, how to make an upcycled terrarium and healthy foods that lead to doin' it, Mother Nature's contribution to your love life.

Thankfully, the brakes on the HS250h weren't faulty. I will live to eat another sexy meal of Maca and Goji Berries.

I Humbly Submit My C.V. For the All-White Basketball League

Saturday, 23 January 2010 05:30 Patrick J. Sauer

Last night, most of you basketball fans out there probably tuned into the Cavs/Lakers showdown to try and decide, once and for all, whether LeBron James or Kobe Bryant is the current king of the NBA.

Not me. While you were "bugging out" over the undisciplined streetball, I was watching old Indiana Hoosiers clips from the days when basketball was basketball.

Birds Barbershop: A Free Beer With Every Haircut

Thursday, 15 October 2009 04:09 Patrick J. Sauer

Hey, internet fans!

In this year of 2009, I have made the leap to the outer limits of technology.

Presenting my first ever (drumroll, please):

Audio Slideshow!!!

What is it? It's a chance to hear my pre-pubescent voicey telling the tale of Birds Barbershop.

It's the Austin, Texas hair salon where every cut comes with a free beer.

I don't know exactly how to embed it one my own website, so click here for all the Patrick Sauer voice goodness.

Feel free to This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it on my wheedly diction. Best comparison gets a free pint on me.

Yee-haw! The web rules! It makes me sound like a teenage girl! Finally!

A Cultural History of Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!

Tuesday, 02 December 2008 03:17 Patrick J. Sauer

Here is a little something about Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!! I wrote for the Worldwide Leader.

This is the "go the distance" version with extra trivia nuggets at the bottom that got cut from the original.

I feel, however, that I wasn't forthcoming in the original piece need to tell you that I never beat Iron Mike.

In fact, I never even got by Super Macho Man, and there's a chance I only beat Bald Bull in my dreams.

I know for a fact that I took down Piston Honda though. I fear not his TKO from Tokyo.

Enjoy this stroll down NES memory lane. For my money, Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!! is still the Greatest of All-Time. And if you forgot what made it the G.O.A.T., here's a quick refresher course from the champ.