Patrick J. Sauer Online

Happy America is Awesome Day, everyone! We need to step it up from the boring old "4th of July," that's way soft on the patriotism. 

My favorite Independence Day bit of trivia for your barbecue is that Thomas Jefferson and his longtime frenemy John Adams both died on July 4, 1826. 

It's a holiday, so let's keep it light and whimsical.  Or, Whim Quarterly-sical. It's a funny magazine staffed by people way wittier than I. Here's a recent favorite on this weekend of baseball, apple pie and overworked volunteer fire departments: "The 50 Least Successful Minor League Franchises."

Have fun, y'all. True independence in New York this year. So remember, "if you've got a big thirst, and you're gay..."

In my younger days, I penned fiction assuming I was going to be one of those "jack of all trades" type of writers. You know, like Ernest Hemingway. So far, I've got Poppa's gut, I've downed a grapefruit daquiri at the Floridita, and now, I have published a short story.  And while it's not exactly "The Snows of Killimanjaro," it's a start.

And Ernie, or Big Ern, never waxed on about the beautiful intersection of adolescent onaism (Repent ye teenage sinners!), carnival rides with dubious safety records, Billings MT, hot buttered maize and our Lord and Savior.

I'd like to offer a doff of the cap to Animal Farm and editor Patrick Gallagher for posting "Dragons Live Forever." His guidance brought to light the fire-breathing phallic double entendre I'd missed. If you like the lit stuff, there's a bunch of great stories in this month's "Bunga Bunga" issue.

I don't know about you, but I hate reading fiction online. I need my favorites (e.g. Greene, Whitehead, Alexie, Twain...stopping now this could go on forever) in book, magazine, or at the very least, printed page form. If you are interested in reading this story--Bless you, for real--I would suggest printing it out first. Not telling you how to conduct your bookish business, but this "short" story ain't all that concise. 

Hola, amigos. 

We have returned from taking l chica bonita to the Pearl of the Antilles. Ole!

I wasn't sure what to expect with the air travel, 90-degree days, socialism and whatnot, but it was muy bien. Way easier than this week where Mom is away on business for seven long days and six longer nights. 

On that note, here is the first piece I've posted for the God Men Project, an excellent website for all things good men and their projects. It's got a bunch of good writers and if you act now, it's "Sex Week" with stories like the amusement from the guy who says once upon a time, he thought he "had a huge dong."  

I definitely did not author that piece, but for the DadsGood section, I explained why everyone should stop saying all babies do is eat, sleep and poop. Like, right this second.

I have a new piece posted on the great Mr. Beller's Neighborhood. 

If you aren't spending time there, you need to get out more. Beller's is the next best thing if the NYC isn't within walking, subwaying, cabbing, biking or meandering distance. I'd recommend you start with Lost & Found  (and not just because I'm in it.)

So here's what we got. I took Molly to see her first movie at a weekly showing set up for strollers. The film in question was a very questionable film. 

Before you get into "Baby Through the Looking Glass," I want you to do me a favor. Let's honor the great Sidney Lumet, one of Gotham's greatest filmic chroniclers ever. I want you to get up right now and go to the window, open it and stick your head out and yell, AT-TI-CA! AT-TI-CA!