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Random Musings

Hip-Hop Lyrics to Ponder During Each Quarter of the Super Bowl

cubeBasketball is typically the sport one associates with hip-hop, but don't sleep on the symbiosis it has with football.

After all, we live in an NFL universe, and rap cats play fantasy too...just for a lot more cabbage.

In honor of the "Big Game" on Sunday (nuts to your trademark NFL!) I thought I'd present a few rap stanzas to get you in the right frame of football mind.

Have a happy "Big Game" Sunday. I don't care much in the outcome, but I do care about Totino's pizza rolls, so it's a holiday in my book.

         _____________________________________________________________

 

Generally speaking, the rap game is most associated with the game of basketball. It’s certainly true that hoops and hip-hop go together like Joseph Simmons and Darryl McDaniels, but it also certainly true that DMC will be playing in the NFL Celebrity Flag Football Challenge next Saturday in Arizona and performing at halftime of with the renowned Flutie Brothers Band.

Clearly, professional football is as hard-wired into hip-hop as Kangols and Adidas tracksuits. DMC, should however, lace and tie his sneakers. Torn ACLs are tricky…tricky, tricky, tricky, uhh!

In that spirit of the communal pigskin, here are a selection of football-conscious lyrics to ponder while enjoying Super Bowl XLII.

1). “Be Easy,” Ghostface Killah & Ice Cube, Fishscale:

Blow your face back, turn you into a ghost, hit you like Kenny hit Casper on the post.”

A true football scholar, Cube goes back to the 1977 double-overtime game between his beloved Oakland Raiders and the Baltimore Colts. Quarterback Kenny Stabler hit tight end Dave Casper on a 42-yard pass that set up a game tying field goal. “The Ghost to the Post,” led to a victory and, 30 years later, enabled Cube to combine the Raiders, a specific up-the-seam pass pattern, a cartoon apparition, a murder and the Fishscale mastermind (presumably a Giants fan) all in one deft lyrical swoop.

2.) “Word of Mouf (Freestyle),” Ludacris featuring 4-Ize, Word of Mouf

“I shoot videos and get knobs slobbed in trailers, then hit stage and break a leg like Lawrence Taylor.”

ludaIn an old-school freestyle, Ludacris explains how he maintains his work-life balance by referencing the November 18, 1985 game where Giants linebacker Lawrence Taylor turned Redskins quarterback Joe Theismann’s tibia into kindling. Ludacris, however, is not using the ghastly injury in jest, but rather as a metaphorical representation of the theater world’s good luck mantra, to “break a leg.” After all, Ludacris isn’t angry, he’s just shown himself to be relaxed after unwinding in his trailer following a hard day’s work.lt

3.) “Paisley Darts,” Ghostface Killah featuring Raekwon, Sun God, Trife da God, Method Man & Cappadonna, The Big Doe Rehab

“I grind daily, patriotic like Tom Brady. I’m the bomb baby ‘cuz what I write is beyond crazy.”

Ghostface, clearly a football fanatic, lets protégé Trife da God bring a contemporary flavor to the pigskin lyricism, keeping it simple and precise with an all-American nod to Mr. Touchdown, quarterback Tom Brady. Trife da God wraps it all up in the flag, cleverly mentioning dropping a “bomb” that can be construed as a historical shout-out to Francis Scott Key, a salvo to Brady’s cannon of a right arm, and a testament to his own lunacy on the microphone. It’s worth noting that later in the song, Method Man also shoots ghoststraight with the self-evident pronouncement, “that’s a given, like football players love white women.”

4.) “Palmdale,” Afroman, The Good Times

I didn't really care if I passed or failed, I knew I was headed for the NFL,
Until the playoff game, shoulder got hurt. I thought about my future, layin' in the dirt.  I can't jump, I can't flinch. Superstar player, ridin' the bench. Graduate from school? Don't make me laugh. I got an F+ in basic math.”
afro

Football is a brutal game, it chews up and spits out fine young men like Afroman, leaving them at the altar of the almighty gridiron. Listen to what Afroman is left with when the Friday night lights are turned off, a busted shoulder, an F+ in math and the psychic toll of going from superstar to the end of the bench. No wonder Afroman had to get high, it’s the cbedpain…the pain in his shoulder and the pain in his soul. It’s hip-hop poetry that fans should keep in mind while watching our brave young men of the Giants and Patriots engage in a glorious football battle on Super Bowl Sunday.

 

 

 

 

 

 (Ice Cube Photo, copyright Tom Sheehan.)

 

Yep, That's Me Interviewing A Sock Puppet

rlThis adorable little guy is Rufus Leaking (say it slowly), host of the hipster kids show Pancake Mountain.

Portfolio sent me down to Washington D.C. to interview Scott Stuckey (of pecan log roll Stuckey's fame), creator of Pancake Mountain, and his producer J-R Soldano. The show is this great DIY absurdist dance party that's become a favorite of indie bands everywhere. Guests have included George Clinton, White Stripes, Cypress Hill, Flaming Lips and Arcade Fire. 

I highly recommend checking it out, but especially you parents yearning to hold onto what remains of your street cred. Here is a Pancake Mountain video in which I do my first hard-hitting man-to-goat-puppet expose. 


 

 

It's Been Ten Years...Holy Schnike

rugbyToday marks the 10th anniversary of the death of Chris Farley.

I didn’t want to let it pass without sending out a Tommy Callahan-sized mash note to Marquette’s greatest alum (sorry, Dwyane, a couple of more rings and we can talk.)

There are a couple of excellent retrospectives out there: this one from the New York Post that mentions a bit of a rift between he and Spade, and another from The Capital Times, which mentions an intriguing memoir from his brother Tom. That Mamet project would have been AWESOME.

I also wanted to give props for the finest commencement speech a young grad could ever hoped for. 

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I can’t recall who gave the official commencement address, it may have been the ambassador to Lebanon if memory serves, but pre-game shots had been passed around and I more or less passed out. Nobody, however, who was picking up their degree from the College of Communications, class of 1993, will ever forget Farley’s appearance.mattfoley

I was hanging out in the hallway, waiting until the last minute to sit down, and saw Farley practicing his speech. He was nervous, pacing back-and-forth, reciting his lines, but he gave me a congratulatory nod, which was a lot cooler than the sheepskin itself. Dean Price introduced Farley and the room of half-sober Communications grads went bananas. He bumbled onto stage and proceeded to tell stories of begging his way to a diploma and having to ask Price’s help in a snafu with the Chicago police department. He then went on to mention how important his relationship with God was, and when that drew laughs, he tried to say he was being serious. The room quieted down, so he knocked over the podium.

From everything I’ve read, that seems to be the essence of Chris Farley.

I happened to be walking in downtown Chicago on December 18, 1997 and found out about his death in a flower store. The radio was on and the dude behind the counter told me what happened, pointing out that his apartment in the John Hancock building was only a few blocks away. He shook his head and said, “Man, Farley…that just sucks.”

And it still sucks today.

bearsAbout a year later, I was at a “come film in Wisconsin” barbecue in Los Angeles and met two of the Farley brothers, Kevin and John. I mentioned to them that I had written a script about Green Bay Packers fans that I had always dreamed would one day star Chris. A few days later, I dropped off a copy at John’s apartment and noticed a couple of things. Above the television was a golden tub of popcorn that Farley and Spade had won for Tommy Boy, and framed on the bathroom wall was a handwritten note from Chris to John.

It’s called the “Clown’s Prayer,” and supposedly, Chris carried it with him at all times.

As I stumble through this life,
Help me to create more laughter than tears,
Dispense more cheer than gloom,
Spread more cheer than despair.

Never let me become so indifferent,
That I will fail to see the wonders in the eyes of a child,
farleycrosseyeOr the twinkle in the eyes of the aged.

Never let me forget that my total effort is to cheer people,
Make them happy, and forget momentarily,
All the unpleasantness in their lives.

And in my final moment,
May I hear You whisper:
"When you made my people smile,
You made Me smile."

-Anonymous-


I’d never gotten choked up in a john before.

I've met a number of people through the years who knew or worked with Farley and not one person had anything bad to say about him, other than his obvious personal demons.

I imagine Chris Farley wouldn’t want to be remembered for his troubles, though, so let’s all swig a mug tboyto the good times. Like say the time that Santa himself was "living at the North Pole, in a van, down by the river."

R.I.P. big guy. We miss you.

 

Ground Control to Major Dick

bransonNobody likes to read over the holidays.
 
Thus, I won't bore you with a posting other than to say, I am thankful I flew Virgin America airlines out to San Fran last week. Comfy seats, personal televisions and the reach-for-the-stars attitude of my BFF Richard Branson.

(I am also thankful I get to be godfather to my nephew Manny, but I don't like to play favorites.) 

If you do need something to skim before the tryptophan sets in, here's a look back at my morning of marching in the Macy's parade.

Don't skimp on the gravy.

 

Happy (High) Holidays

like_a_virginRosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, begins tonight at sundown.

It isn't like the typical secular celebration, meaning Dick Clark and drunken stupors are nowhere to be found.

It is, however, a time for starting over, a time for making those resolutions that are historically violated by the time the Rose Bowl kicks-off. (Unless the Chosen People have more willpower than me.)

In honor of Rosh Hashanah 5768, Jewcy offers the "Like A Virgin" guide to wiping the slate clean and beginning again in categories like health, friendships, family, work, sex love and dating, and money, which is where I come in and join a four-star group of women writers.

I know from needing to do a better job of managing money, but I'd suggest doing as I say, not as I spend.


 

Read more...
 


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