As someone who was born in the great state of Alaska, I feel compelled to comment on the misfortune of Senator Ted Stevens.
Sure, I only lived there to the ripe old age of 1.5, but I also never labeled the Interwebs a "series of tubes."
And if you don't think the folks in cyber-country love Ted Stevens humor, you should know this piece was posted this morning and it already has 143 Diggs, whatever that means.
Thanks once again to 23/6, the home of unpaid comedy blogging.
As they say in Alaska, North to the Future.
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On top of the $250,000 in home repairs that led to an indictment of Senator Ted Stevens, a further co-investigation by the Alaskan Highway Patrol and the Royal Canadian Mounted Police uncovered a secret slush fund. A can of instant Folgers coffee, hidden away in a crawl space being turned into a media room, had a duct tape label reading “Oil $$$, STAY OUT XXX” in black marker.
$9,437.68 remained, along with a hand-written itemized list and a personal note.
The following is a list of receipts from the desk of Ted Stevens.
Dear Senator T.S.,
Don’t forget to have secretary expense this to Senatorial accounting staff. Also, bridge game to nowhere this Friday in McCain’s office, bring hot dish. Salmon puffs?
1.) Five vials of Alexander Supertramp’s unused anecdote.
2.) 50 commemorative T-shirts with slogan: “I laid the pipe in Alaska.”
3.) $742 in single dollar-bills, housed at Salty Dog bar in Homer. Reminder, take only five at a time!!!!
4.) Stethoscope, X-ray machine and speculum, sold to Fleischman, Joel, M.D.
5.) Two cases of “Seward’s Folly” sno-globes.
6.) Six moose-lined Army surplus pea coats. No XLs left.
7.) One cubic zirconia-encrusted black satin eye mask, stitching to read: I Caught 40 Winks in the Midnight Sun.
8.) Five signed copies of Jewel’s Chasing Down the Dawn.
9.) Collection of homemade hardcore Inuit porn DVDs for Charlie Crist’s bachelor party. Invite uphill gardener?
10.) E.L. “Bob” Bartlett Bobblehead dolls.
11.) One official leather-bound copy of the Slattery Report. Emboss with Star of David? Call AIPAC.
12.) One case, Iditarod buckwheat pancake “mush.”
13.) Mr. Chocolate throw rug.
Value of items: $4,276.50
Send bill for: $34,798.99
Sincerely,
Uncle Ted
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