Perhaps the heat has driven you into a news coma and you missed George W. Bush's final words of wisdom to the G8 Summit in Japan.
“Goodbye from the world’s biggest polluter.”
That wasn't his only option, though. He rejected numerous other sign-offs.
The original version of this piece is up at the Huffington Post's humor site 23/6. This is the director's cut, featuring two extra entries!
193 days and counting....
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On Tuesday, George W. Bush left his last G8 Summit in Japan with one final sayonara to his global peers:
“Goodbye from the world’s biggest polluter.”
To lay people the world over, his brilliant sentiment came across as yet another off-the-cuff pearl of folksy wisdom. However, an anonymous White House insider revealed that President Bush was up all night crafting his fond farewell.
It’s said that newspapers provide the first draft of history. In that spirit, we present the rejected versions of George W. Bush’s ultimate bon voyage, leaked exclusively to 23/6:
• Jesus asked me to deliver a message today: Suck my dick.
• Hey Sarkozy, Sarkozy. You ever kiss a rabbit between the ears?
• Aloha, bitches! Hah! Bet y’all didn’t know in the country of Hawaii that means hello and goodbye.
• Back home in America, we let our fingers do the talkin’. What’s that Earth? You can’t hear me…Well why don’t I just turn it up?
• I gotta’ be honest Chancellor Merkel, the only climate I’m havin’ trouble controllin’ is in my boxer briefs.
• ç§ã¯æ±ºå®šè€…ã§ã‚ã‚‹! Suck on that, world leaders. I just said I’m the Decider in Oriental.
• Have y’all tried that Tiger Woods G4 Gatorade? It’s like regular Gatorade ‘cept’ if it had to get knee surgery.
• I will neva, I will neva, I will neva fall. I'm being hated by the seasons, So fuck ya'll who hating for no reason….That’s some Lil Wayne, G8 folks. Just getting’ you ready for the black guy.
• Well Exxccuuuuuuussseeee Me!
• Hey, atmosphere. Atmosphere. If you ain’t with us, you’re against us. Clean it up before I throw you in an axis of evil with the Mississippi River and vampire bats.
• Anybody seen my wallet?
• Fuk U, Fukuda!
• Awesome summit, everyone! Awesome!
• Did someone forget to send Saddam an E-vite? Just kidding. He got hunged.
• Hey globe, warm this!
• You won’t have ole’ George W. Bush to shitkick around anymore!
• God blessed America. Says so right in the song by the blind guy.
• The Constitution says I only get to be Presidents two times. Dick Cheney’s lookin’ into gettin’ around that gol’ darned thing. See you next year!
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