White Women: The Unheralded MinoritySo how did these "white women" become more vital than Hockey Moms, NASCAR Dads, Rock Band Uncles, Mountain Dew Grandmothers, How I Met Your Mother Stepsisters, Young Jeezy Cousins Once-Removed, Outback Steakhouse Nannies and Free-Market Hobos? |
Questions abound about this silent hard-to-reach demographic: What makes these "white women" tick? What are their values? What issues matter the most to them? Where do they live? What is their favorite flavor of Vitamin Water? Who do they like in Top Chef? 23/6 blanketed the country to find out whom these "white women" plan on supporting come November 4.
1) 28-year-old white woman in Leavenworth, Kansas: "I'm voting for Obama."
2) 47-year-old white woman in Dayton, Ohio: "I'm voting for McCain."
3-7) A group of white women of various ages watching an in-store display of the Jack LaLanne Power Juicer at a Wal-Mart Supercenter in Irving, Texas: "We're voting for Palin!"
8) 22-year-old pregnant white woman filling her tank at a gas station in Windham, New Hampshire: "If it's a boy, Jayden Rondo. If it's a girl, Mary-Louise Khrystyna."
9) 28-year-old white woman working for the United Association of Journeymen in Washington, D.C.: "I haven't received the email yet."
10) 33-year-old white woman smoking outside of the Washington Mutual headquarters in Seattle: "Dude, this thing doesn't get straightened out, I'm going full Cobain by Halloween."
11) 50-year-old Bob Barr campaign volunteer canvassing a Café 99 in Park Ridge, New Jersey: "Who do you think I'm going to vote for? Wrong! I forgot to send in my absentee ballot."
12) 33-year-old white woman in Green Bay, Wisconsin who stole her 15-year-old daughter's identity to join the high school cheerleading squad: "Give me an M! Give me an A! Give me a C! Give me a K-A-N-E!"
13) 19-year-old white woman working behind the counter at a Der Wienerschnitzel in Bullhead City, Arizona: "Which one is the black guy again? Obama...yeah...right. The other guy."
14) 74-year-old white woman playing slots at the Colorado Belle in Laughlin, Nevada: "Oh bite my right tit! You stupid shitassfaceassshitassfacemachine! I needed those goddamn cherries."
15) 24-year-old white woman nursing a Bud Lite at Bobby Valentine's in Stamford, Connecticut: "Can either Obama or McCain come out of the bullpen and get three outs in a single inning and keep us from collapsing for the second freakin' year in a row? That guy's got my vote! You know who I'm definitely not voting for, Aaron fucking Heilman!"
16) White woman of undetermined age waiting at a bus stop in Independence, Missouri: "Do you know if this stops at South Noland Road?"
17) 26-year-old center for the Minnesota Lynx, WNBA: "Obama, yo. You check his sweet lefty jumper? I seen the You Tube of the Barracuda. Tell that bitch to try bring her nasty fish lips in my lane. She'll be swimming upstream. Hollah!"
18) 44-year-old Leo Burnett advertising executive on her Blackberry before an important meeting with Tony the Tiger: "Can I text in my vote? No. Can I Twitter? No. Get back to me when we go viral. I need Buzzability. Excuse me, I have to troubleshoot this meme."
19) 56-year-old white man dressed as a 22-year-old white woman waiting for a Chai Tea Latte at a Castro Starbucks in San Francisco: "Oh sweetheart, once you go black, you never go back...which is why I gave my floral and leopard print frocks to the Salvation Army and decided to embrace my inner Dark Knight this fall. How do you feel about charcoal nail polish?"
20) 60-year-old white woman angrily muttering to herself while mowing the lawn in Chappaqua, New York: "2012...2012...2012...2012...2012...2012..."
21) 94-year-old white woman standing outside St. Ann's Catholic Church in Butte, Montana: "Oh, I just wake up on Election Day and God lets me know who to vote for. Although, between you, me and the Holy Ghost, I still question his choice for Henry Wallace in '48."
22) 20-year-old white woman trimming hedges while her golden retriever attacks a pine cone in Asheville, North Carolina: "Hey, gunboats! Watch the hydrangeas! Get the hell off my lawn!"
23) 77-year-old white woman sipping sweet tea on her porch in Slidell, Louisiana: "Obama. McCain. No, Obama....No...McCain. I like that Obama wants change...But McCain puts country first...It's so hard to choose...It's too tough...I'm gonna' have to sit this one out."
24) 34-year-old white woman riding in an elevator at the Peabody Hotel in Memphis, Tennessee: "McCain. Absolutely, John McCain. I should say I would vote for John McCain, so I could finally say I have something in common with a First Lady. But when I stole Oxycontin and forged prescriptions to get Vicodin at the hospital where I was the head nurse, I got 2.5 years. Felons can't vote, but if McCain wins, I'll still feel a kinship."
25) White woman in this apartment who is also my wife: "Do you do anything during the course of the day that helps pay the bills? And, Obama."
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